My boyfriend keeps letters from past relationships

How come my boyfriend keep letters from their ex-girlfriends?

My boyfriend stated that the envelop from their ex was at storage space and which he read it once again. But later I experienced a sense he didn’t toss it away and I also had been appropriate he kept it. This strikes me personally as strange because he’s discarded every one of the letters and cards We have ever offered him.

Then how come the letters didn’t make it in the trash, if it really didn’t really mean anything if he says that things like this don’t matter? Alternatively it absolutely was set aside carefully, it has additionally occurred with photos from his ex girlfriends, and I also simply learned that a picture is had by the envelop of his ex.

I am aware if individuals would you like to keep images but letters?, even though its disrespectful in my experience, but during the time that is same feel if somebody has got to keep photos or letters from ex-girlfriends which they nevertheless are hanging on to one thing.

We don’t understand what the letters suggest to him precisely. He constantly informs me we don’t trust him, but he keeps things such as this from me personally. Trust and sincerity goes both methods. We don’t keep things from him.

I’ve been thinking about methods about how to confront him about it. We’ve been dating for nearly three years, i simply had an atmosphere he didn’t put the envelop away that day.

Reaction:

Individuals keep letters and images for a number of reasons. But, mostly because individuals keep such mementos simply because they recreate memories that are unique unique emotions (realise why does http://www.datingranking.net/e-chat-review/ partner speak to an ex).

And maintaining letters or images of a ex doesn’t necessary imply that the man you’re dating really really loves you any less. It would likely simply suggest he likes the memory of exactly how he felt during those times.

And simply because you are someone that is dating maybe perhaps not imply that see your face needs to call it quits all their memories of history. Asking you to definitely offer up their keepsakes so that you can show you respect is certainly not being extremely respectful.

Therefore, our most useful advice is never to “confront” the man you’re seeing in regards to the situation. Contemplating a discussion as being a conflict frequently turns it right into a confrontation. An easy method to consider this nagging issue is to see it as a discussion—a conversation where your ultimate goal is always to comprehend their standpoint without attempting to judge him or alter their behavior (see talk about issues).

Without reacting in a way that makes him feel ashamed or fearful of your reaction, you may find that understanding how he feels will bring you closer together if you try to understand why those past memories are so special to him. Everything you hear may harm your emotions or cause you to feel insufficient in someways, however you can’t alter their memories that are past. And if you attempt to know just how he feels in regards to the situation, he will likely attempt to see the situation from your standpoint. Such a real sharing of emotions might help produce greater closeness and understanding, when you can learn how to keep your anxiety and worries from developing in hostile and/or manner that is defensive.

And often relationships work most readily useful when partners feel secure and close, but additionally allow one another to own a feeling of their particular identity. Relationships often don’t work when anyone feel threatened and attempt to get a handle on areas of their partner’s behavior, aspects which individuals are entitled to—such as memories of these previous and keepsakes which are essential for them.